Strangers Diary - Free Diary Online

Story time: I went running further from my house than I ever have before to encounter a very hilly road with little excess pavement on the sides and many overgrown bushes. I am running and trying to make sure no car behind me or in front of me is going to hit me, when I turn around front to see arms sticking out of a car driving by me. They throw full and open cans of Dr. Pepper at me, placing one right on my right abdomen, bruising it. But it fucking scared me more than anything. Fucking teenagers. Laughed the whole way over the hill where I couldn't see their license plate.

But I stood there in shock, in pain, in thought, ready to give up. And then I decided to fight. And I ran harder than I ever have, out of pure anger and hatred. I realized that, finally, one of those insults, one of those damn slurs materialized. The faces of prejudice hit me with everything they fucking had, and I trained harder afterwords because of it.

My heroes are changing & I haven't changed enough to keep up. I may need some new heroes here soon. Or, maybe I need to stir up some change.

I fucked up. I huffed again. For the first time in 3 months. I cut again. I want it all to stop so I started smoking.
I'm destroying my body and I don't even care.

This is too back-and-forth for me. Since I'm not good enough for him, I feel like I should stop eating again. When will this end?

He told me I'm beautiful. I decided to eat today. He doesn't even realize how much he's saving my life.

My worst nightmare is brushing my teeth with a shaver.

I can't step on the scale anymore because I'm afraid of gaining weight.

I am well aware that letting myself eat hardly anything every day to lose weight is a horrible approach to weight loss. I lost 1 pound each day. I've lost 8 pounds and I'm down to 124. My mom still says I'm fat. When will I be thin in your eyes, mom? Don't you see that your words are LITERALLY killing me?

Cutting. Alcohol. Drugs. Anorexia.
First came cutting when I was 13.
I substituted that with alcohol when I was 14.
I started doing drugs at 15.
And I stopped eating at 16.
My life is falling apart.