Strangers Diary - Free Diary Online

1 in 4 people who start doing oxycontin, get clean. I feel lucky to be that 1 person. When I was on drugs I felt so hopeless, I didn't think I would ever be able to stop. Today I can say, I am stronger. Yes, I hate remembering the times when I was messed up all the time but I don't regret any of it. It made me who I am today.

I hate how obsessed Utah is with the LDS General Conference thing. Suddenly, my facebook is filled with people from my past commenting on how being homosexual is wrong.
Cause apparently that's what general conference was about this year. Most of the talks were frowning upon people in their natural state. And it makes me so mad, because these people wouldn't even BEGIN to accept me for who I am if I told them who I really was.
A church that preaches nothing but love and acceptance sure seems to have a hard fucking time loving and accepting others for what they are and who they might be.
/rant

I've just read several of these entries and come to a drastic conclusion

the world needs more kittens and puppies. I would definitely feel better if i had something non- human that would still love me. Humans can be so mean to one another.

Hope all of you people out there are doing ok.

I'm a street magician...
but with sites like the ellusionist and magic penguin... so is everyone else in this god damned world! every trick I have, every illusion that I use, every piece of mentalism in my book is now USELESS! Fuck off internet, don't you understand I live off my magic? its my job, its how I make my money, but I go to a kids birthday party and his little buddy tells everyone how I do everyone of my tricks and the mother asks for her money back NO FUCK OFF no refunds! why don't people understand that magic is not about learning from some stupid kit or some DVD you buy offline but about learning from a master, someone who can teach you the simple stuff and teach you to make your own tricks, I make a video of my OWN NEW EFFECT and a week later someone has cracked how its done and is selling the DVD with "Special Thanks" to me? No you do not have the right to sell my trick, and one of these days if I ever make enough money again to get a lawyer you're being sued for copyright infringement... thank you for reading my rant.

I guess things aren't as weird as I thought.
I thought that I had lost him last week.
But instead he came back into my life, and even asked me out.
Figure that one out?
I suppose this is one way life is showing me that things aren't as dark as I had believed.
Talked to the one who ruined my life today.
Seems that she is still angry.
I still don't know why.

how does suicide start? I've thought about ways I could do it, but in the end I still wanna live, is that good? or is it bad that the thoughts are even there

I am really angry. This is because my parents seem to think that do things, just because my friends do them. Seriously? Just because I've turned 14 and went to high school, and all of my friends are not the best type of kids, it doesn't mean that I'm like that! Just because I hang out with them, doesn't mean that I will do the things that they do. Yes, I am more likely to want to do whatever stupid and dangerous thing my friends supposedly do, but I still have control over it in the end. Parents need to realize these things. The kids who get in trouble are the most fun to hang out with. But I can understand your concern. In a way.

i still try to deny it, but i do feel like i signed up for something for all the wrong (or mistaken) reasons. i keep on stumbling - mostly due to procrastination, self-doubt and very little inspiration. but im already too deep-set and have invested a lot of time and money on it, i might as well just finish it. i just want to get it over and done with and finally find what it is i am really looking for.

my dream.

my wanting to be known and loved by the world. i cant quite seem to grasp it. i dont know how to get where i want to be. its killing me. i'm not pretty enough or loud enough. i dont know if people will like me or my work. i dont know what to do or how to get my work known. I love making movies but i also want to be in movies and i love singing. But i dont know what to do about it all. i dont know how to become known.

my friend txted me and told me she's going to be in a music video that could end up on MTV. its way awesome.. but it kinda sucks. i've always wanted something like that to happen to me. Anyways, who cares?

...

Is it possible to love something too much?

It scares me sometimes.

The other times I just bask in the warm glow of happiness.

This obsession won't last forever. I know it.