Strangers Diary - Free Diary Online

this is the first day of the rest of my life. i've been telling this myself for a while now. or should i be more specific and say that it was B.H. or Before Him?

last sunday i was contemplating killing myself. again. or taking up yoga more seriously because it sure kicks the shit out of me. luckily i still realize that killing myself won't help either. bad karma you know. it was just a stupid thought growing out of stupid pain. i am ashamed of myself. but i am still there and this still remains the first day of the rest of my life.

What they say is true- waking up next to the love of your life really is the most amazing feeling in the entire world.

I still ruminate over the idea of how someone who knows nothing of the situation, besides one side of it, and who they themselves have not been in a relationship long enough to be considered any sort of commitment, can then think they are in any way qualified to give advice or insight based upon such limited understanding and knowledge.

I really wish I wasn't so afraid of this. Of him. Of us. This is what I wanted for so long, isn't it?

I´d, suddenly, felt my entire body fulfilled with anxious energy: I´d ask my ex-girlfriend to a date.

Forget my cold. I am going to kiss him this week.

My best friend listed herself as "in a relationship" on facebook. I clicked the like button and went to her page. It was my boyfriend.

Today was the first day I didn' text back and forth with Him. Is it weird that I completely missed having him there with me the whole day?

It is so unfair how much power he has over me. I love it.

Today, I thought about him while I was washing my face. He was with me when I bought my face scrub, and he giggled over the fact that it was called "Morning burst". I laughed out loud, and then found myself staring at my image, realizing that for the first time in years, there's happiness in my eyes.

Sometimes, when we are hanging out, I look up at his face, and I get the tremendous urge to go up on my toes and kiss him. Startle the hell out of him. Then, the next moment, I remember that he's completely innocent, and I'd be stealing this kiss unawares.

He may not mind, but then again, he might take it the wrong way!

Gods I wish I knew how he felt so that I didn't have such indecision!

After that memory, I washed the soap off my face, then smiled, and went to text him. I don't think I could stand not hearing from him for more than twelve hours!