Strangers Diary - Free Diary Online

Sometimes, I just want to scream until everything stops happening. That way, I can live without wondering why I can't speak louder.

This will be the first Halloween that I am doing absolutely nothing. It makes me so mad! I mean...I love Halloween. It's my favorite holiday. But it snuck up on me this year, and I have already double booked myself as is!

So today I went to the school and talked to my counselor. I took M with me, cause I needed a ride, and he is my best friend.
While we were there, he was curious and open about it, so I got excited, thinking maybe it would be a good idea, and I would have his support.
Then, when we sat down with Mickey, the counselor, and talked about financial aid, M shut down! He started being snarky and not helpful, and almost sullen about everything.
I was so frustrated! I almost cried on the spot, because I was so confused. Whatever had changed in those few moments made me so upset!
Sometimes....I hate that he does this so easily. Sometimes I hate him.

I hate empty houses. They remind me of how much I suck at life.

I sent in a form to get information on the College of Massage Therapy.
I go in on Thursday to talk to an advisor about starting school.
I'm fucking terrified.

I'm really mad at him today.
He has been ripping me apart every day when I try to be friendly. He says that everything is my fault, and that I make him miserable. Maybe he is right. Maybe it is all my fault.
But he told me he believes in second chances. Why can't I get one!?

I had cake mix and peanut butter in the kitchen.
I mixed them together with egg and some water, and it made some pretty delicious peanut butter bars.
I'm stoked.

I hate how obsessed Utah is with the LDS General Conference thing. Suddenly, my facebook is filled with people from my past commenting on how being homosexual is wrong.
Cause apparently that's what general conference was about this year. Most of the talks were frowning upon people in their natural state. And it makes me so mad, because these people wouldn't even BEGIN to accept me for who I am if I told them who I really was.
A church that preaches nothing but love and acceptance sure seems to have a hard fucking time loving and accepting others for what they are and who they might be.
/rant

I liked him better when I was stoned.
At least then I didn't have the ability to string two thoughts together, and I didn't have the emotional capacity to be hurt by his bullshit.

I have an addiction. But most people wouldn't see it as so.
I need people to need me. When they don't I feel useless.
And right now....not a single person in this world needs me to be around. Why am I still here?