Strangers Diary - Free Diary Online

I liked him better when I was stoned.
At least then I didn't have the ability to string two thoughts together, and I didn't have the emotional capacity to be hurt by his bullshit.

I have an addiction. But most people wouldn't see it as so.
I need people to need me. When they don't I feel useless.
And right now....not a single person in this world needs me to be around. Why am I still here?

I had a thought today as I went to Mcdonalds to get my boss a smoothie and sandwich.
If Mcdonalds was to disappear....the american world would just end.
Nowhere else has deals like that place, or business like it.
I know Nancy would explode without her every day smoothie and cookies.

I just want to show him why I don't care.
Why I hope there is no afterlife.
I don't like people.
Humanity is disgusting sometimes.
But I love being alive.
I don't mind giving people a chance to prove me wrong.
But....I certainly don't want an eternity of giving them chances.
Once I am dead....I wish to rest!

It's funny how things change.
Two weeks ago I was posting about how I wished he loved me.
But today I woke up and was disgusted with the texts he left in my phone.
He keeps saying that he likes me as I am, but I'm realizing more and more lately that he doesn't understand who that person is. All he can see is that I am wiccan and nothing more seems to penetrate his mind.
A single word bothers me. Can't he understand that I hate when people use that particular word to describe another person. That word is so full of hate and evil. And I am not one that believes in those sort of things...

I'm thinking of finding a job and saving for a few months, paying only what I absolutely need to. And then....I want to disappear. Go back to where I felt I belonged and start fresh, with new everything.

I encouraged Kris to love her. I think it's adorable how devoted he is to her. But inside, I wish he would love me.

I met someone today. They made me feel like a real person for a while. I don't even know their name. I never actually asked. We just sat down and had coffee together, and laughed over how hopeless living seems sometimes.

I wish I had remembered to at least ask for their number.

I want to show Kris that sex is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of.
But I'm scared to hurt him.
What if bringing him here is the worst mistake I could make, and it breaks him?

I keep on saying that I want to change my life. I want to be happy. But every action I take seems to be the direct opposite.