Strangers Diary - Free Diary Online

just when you think you won't find someone, when you feel like you're at your worst, remember things will look up. they have to. and they will. i promise.

the routines in my life is killing my soul...maybe thats a bit dramatic..but you get the idea. i feel so worn out from life, not because its strenuous but because its just so tedious! i'm sick of everything!! i get bored too easily though, i need a constant change of scenery. I didn't used to be this way though, i used to be content with everything...what happened to change who i am so much? its weird to think that everyone around me sees me as this optimistic person. anyone who reads my diary entries would think the exact opposite..usually i would say i'm a happy person though. but it has not been a usual month..or year for that matter. i have been in a funk. i wish i could get suggestions on how to get out of it..i probably wouldn't want to hear them though, because they'd be the same things i've already thought of. it feels like i talk in circles, mainly because i think in circles..more like polygons though..they jump around and zig zag their way back to the original thought. i wonder if there is anyone like me, i wonder if i'll ever meet them, will i like them?

ps..i wish there were more people on here....i'd love to tell my friends but if i do then they'd know my secrets. what to do, what to do?

Boring day, i feel like i'm missing someone...but its no one i know. its someone i want to know...it makes me hopeful, but i feel guilty too because this means the person i'm with isn't who i want. its weird how my mind tells me that what i think is genuine isn't really genuine at all. i wish i could just find this person that everyone else has found. i thought i had him, turns out i didn't..and now that everyone else has found their's i'm alone. i hate it. more than i hate him for leaving me, more than i hate the girl he went back to, more than i hate myself for leading this new guy on...because even though i'm with him, i feel alone. and that's definitely not right.

I want to win the lottery, or just a lot of money. I would completely disappear from this place. My family, my friends, no one would know where i'd gone to. Just so i can finally have some peace and quiet, no nagging, no drama, no nothing. Just me and my new life. Sounds perfect.

So its been two years since him and I broke up and for the longest time i hadn't thought about him..and now I've come to terms that I'm still in love with him. I hate admitting that....how long should that last?? is it just me not letting go or is there some "destined" reason for me to realize i still have these feelings? Also, this being subconsciously in my head for so long is probably the reason I'm still single. I self destruct every new relationship because there's something "wrong" with it. Should I continue to be alone until I find someone i don't find a problem with, or will i always do this now? i just don't know...it feels nice to get this off my chest though.