Strangers Diary - Free Diary Online

I fucked up. I huffed again. For the first time in 3 months. I cut again. I want it all to stop so I started smoking.
I'm destroying my body and I don't even care.

I want a boy who will do everything to keep me away from alcohol, rather than pressure to drink every weekend.
I want a boy who will nag me to quit smoking, rather than provide me with my cigarettes.
I want a boy who will wait until I'm ready to have sex, rather than try to use me and pressure me into it when I'm not ready.
I want a boy who will kiss the scars on my legs and tell me I'm beautiful despite them, rather than stare at them and think I'm sick.
I want a boy who will love and accept me for who I am, rather than leaving me because of my flaws
Just once, I want to be loved.

This is too back-and-forth for me. Since I'm not good enough for him, I feel like I should stop eating again. When will this end?

He told me I'm beautiful. I decided to eat today. He doesn't even realize how much he's saving my life.

The guy that got me drunk the other night... I realized he was only using me for sex. When I didn't put out, he told me we're over. I've been in love with him for a long time and I've tried to keep this from getting me down. But it seems impossible. It's so hard to stay strong when you really need to most. I try to remember that what feels good now hurts in the end. I need to stop getting caught up in the moment. But to be completely honest, he's the only reason I'm still alive; he saved me from my anorexia, he made me believe I was beautiful. And now it all seems like one big lie.

I got drunk on Friday with the guy I've loved for a year. First time I've been drunk and needless to say, stuff happened. I thought he actually liked me for who I am because he always told me I'm amazing and beautiful. He kicked me out at 9 in the morning and hasn't talked to me since, and has ignored me when I try to talk to him. I don't want to jump to conclusions but I feel ridiculously used and I'm trying not to be hurt because I hate crying over guys... I hope I didn't make a mistake; I don't live in regrets.

I always make promises I can't keep. Maybe that's why I'm such a disappointment to everyone...

What they say is true- waking up next to the love of your life really is the most amazing feeling in the entire world.

I'm 16 years old and drunk for the first time at the moment. I feel numb. Am I making a mistake?

I'm only 16 years old and I've already had a sick addiction to huffing.
I had to fight and overcome the addiction alone.
I only regret it because now and again,
I still get cravings for it.