Strangers Diary - Free Diary Online

Is it real love? I feel like that is the million dollar question for everyone in a serious relationship.
Like is this it? How do you know if something could be better than this or is it that when you meet the right person there is no better, you've found perfection. I'm 19 years old? What could I possibly know who i want to spend the rest of my life with when I'm not even friends with the same people I was friends with 3 months ago.
I met Jon in July. He wasn't my type, I barely noticed him when I walked into the tattoo shop where he worked at the time. I sat in his chair backwards so he could give me my first tattoo on my lower lower back. It didn't hurt and only took about 25 minutes considering the size, but through out those minutes I kept receiving these arousing looks from Jon in the mirror. Being the player that i am (always keeping it smooth haha) couldn't help but smirk and kinda smile back. I mean i knew that most men found my ass very attractive considering the size for such a little girl, but Jon was immediately seduced. After finishing the tattoo i went outside to smoke a cigarette while Jon and my friends discussed me inside. Once we finished we were all leaving the place and paying when "Tat Boy" came over and asked for my number. I rolled my eyes but figured what the hell it could be a sweet booty call for late drunken nights at school? The kid was sexy not gonna lie. I'm a sucker for Latin men.
We agreed to hang out one night and it was evident that we were both there to hopefully get some action. We bullshitted for about 2 hours until we got down to business and it was amazing. The sex was like both of us had finally found someone who can appreciate and feel these amazing sensations of pleasure in so many ways. I was immediately in lust. I craved that sex. Next time we met, my parents were out of town and i decided to have him over. Once again the sex was incredible. We really started enjoying this. Once i moved to NY the rest was history we started seeing each other more regularly and those feelings of lust turned into a sort of friendship which eventually turned into love.
Do i think he's the one? Sometimes, I really do. I think about the life we could have together, how beautiful our kids would be. I wonder what they'd be like? I always wonder what it would be like to live together and share a home and a family and i guess our lives. It just scares me when things get hard cause then I think maybe this isn't the right guy. And i'm forcing myself to believe it because it became comfortable? How do you know what constitutes "normal" fighting in a relationship? We can clearly see unhealthy relationships when we're looking at it from the outside but when it involves you and your feelings how can you really know for sure? I love my boyfriend very much, I always appreciated that we were so compatible and didn't fight and lately i feel like that's all we can do. We'll have a good day then a bad one then a good one like I think that's an unhealthy pattern. I wanna make things work but when does it cross the line between being desperate or just trying to compromise so the fighting can end? I wanna be a good girlfriend you know? I wanna make my man happy and i know he wants to make me happy but some things get to me and my anger builds up so bad that I can't control it. I get anxiety attacks and it physically makes me crazy. Idk how to handle it.